Why I didn’t want to grow
I have said this before; and will say it again. I didn’t really want to take the time to grow. I figured we were running out of time on planet earth; so I didn’t have time for it really. I told God this; I have no secrets from him. The thing is he already knows what is in our hearts; so why not just admit it to him?
We cannot hide anything from him anyway; so why not just pray honest prayers? One thing I will share however; when I am honest I am also so very aware that faith pleases him. So I do pull my soul together and pray what I believe which is; nothing I am facing Father is impossible to you!
When I entered into a covenant with God to believe to grow; I prayed a lot of things. I said “I thank you Father’ that you will pay the price and cost of this learning I have to do.” I praise you that you will take care of things that matter to me while it happens.”
I prayed for grace to sustain me in it and that he would give me “miracle grow’ and not let me be unprepared for future things. I admitted to him I was very afraid about the future on planet earth; and I gave it all to him as well. I said: “When I’m done Father’ or have come to a place where I can help others; I pray you will please allow me to do that; for it’s very important to me.” I had a lot of conversations with God my Father; and still do.
I wanted to grow because I didn’t feel very equipped to deal with today’s society and I wanted to be more equipped. I reasoned with him that if he would show me himself what was what that I would be able to stand better and not be knocked over or shaken off the rock he had placed me on.
I don’t tell my stories of hurts from the past to relive them; soak in them or not let them go. I tell them in hopes somewhere in my stories you can relate to the pain and not feel so alone in this world. Why do you think God allowed some stories of pain and failure to be in our bibles? What about Sampson? What can we learn from him? Jonah? What about the story of Abigail; whose husband fell over dead after he refused to help King David and his army? And I wonder to myself; in all the years I’ve attended church; why did I never once hear about this woman?
Everything God ever did was out of love for us, his people. We read about how he loved us so much he didn’t deny us his son (and the death on the cross) and we weep for what Jesus went through; but we still refuse to fully grasp just how very much he loves us. We want to run out and correct people and set them straight before we understand the narrow way ourselves. It’s normal but it’s not good. It’s scary; but it’s true.
From the upcoming book: Grace to Grow Study Guide/companion to Grace to Grow
by Laura Grace