a little word on relationships…
I feel led to share this, this morning. A lot of times when kids leave the next (grow up and move away) parents feel they have no vaue anymore, other than to help financially or baby sit. Everyone understands how a job loss can be traumatic but when our children grow up and move out of the home there can be a real sense of “loss of identity.”
It feels like we have lost our jobs, and when children make different choices than we did, or discard our advice, it can feel like we’ve been fired, have no value, have no say in their lives anymore. This can lead to feelings of frustration and even anger sometimes. As we stuff these feelings trying to love and be supportive, sometimes it only gets worse.
For the children, there is frustration such as “I have to find my own way, I am not you, I cannot do it like you did!” They often feel conditionally loved, as they struggle to make their own decisions, knowing ‘The parent” does not approve of how they are doing things! We don’t talk about these emotions very often in church!
We say things ilke “Be at Peace” or “just Pray” Or “just trust God!” What do we do with all these emotions?
Too often, we wind up crying by ourselves in some dark corner , wondering if anyone else feels the way we do. We try to make sense of it all, but often it makes no sense!
Here is the truth of the matter (as I have learned), That God CAN and WILL do a new thing in our lives! We can begin to see our children as the adults they are and have respect for their decisions, being supportive, even if it’s not the decision we would have made.
We can find a new Identity and let go and stop taking it so personally when they “reject” our opinions or advice. In this way we have become a great example to them, as they too will face these feelings as they get older, and would love to have a great example to light their way! We never stop being a parent to our children, we didn’t lose our jobs…..
Just how it is done is defined differently now, like a new Job Description! Someone needs to hear this.