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Grief and Pain (no, you are not stupid).

tears and sorrow

Having Grief and Pain (You’re not stupid!) 
One thing I’ve not been known to ever do, is to call people’s 
feelings stupid (or dumb, or even wrong). I’ve learned some 
times the hard way our feelings should not dominate us, but 
at the same time, I know we have them. Grief comes in many 
forms, and sometimes people who can’t cry get very angry 
instead. Maybe they won’t cry because someone said it’s 
stupid, or maybe because it embarrasses them. 
You won’t catch me telling you there are right or wrong things 
to grieve about either. These ideas such as “There are starving
children somewhere” so be grateful for your plate of liver” or 
platitudes such as: “Well at least you are alive, or if one of your
children died, you still have the other” do not really help people 
feel better. Do they? Not very often. I would say mostly, not. 
People hire therapists in part, because they fear telling friends, 
family, and yes even pastors at times, their deepest thoughts 
and fears. They have grief and want to get over it. Sometimes 
the grief “seems to be” over something stupid. The fear that 
someone will call them stupid, makes them want to hide. 
“I AM SO STUPID!” (I have said that myself) When I am very 
frustrated for giving that person another chance (and they did 
that to me again!) Or I dared to dream, and now I’m disappointed
(again for the 14th time, or even the 100th time). 
I should never say that but, I have. Why? Why do we chastize our
selves like that? 
#1 We see others getting over it, so we think we are failures
#2 We think our grief is “stupid” to begin with. (not important). 
#3 We don’t understand where this grief is coming from or even how to stop it. 
Therapy sometimes goes too far in perpetuating our grief, (getting 
us to feel sorry for ourselves, which can lead to depression) 
God tells us to “be of good cheer” but sometimes, we can’t. We 
are sad. We need to cry. It’s called grieving. 
King David danced, but he also wept about sin and disappointment. 
Jeremiah wept over the sins of God’s people. 
Jonah got depressed because God did not destroy Ninevah after he 
delivered a word that it would be destroyed. Job got depressed too. 
I believe part of soul-healing is talking about it. Whether you talk to 
God about it, or someone else. Ministers like TD Jakes talk about their
soul being torn, ripped apart, dreams going out the window, and feeling
like God didn’t care (for awhile) about their pain. This is why people love
to read their stories. They can relate. 
We need teachers and we need prophets, but we need pastors too. 
Pastors tend to be nurturing people. They love and tend to the sheep. 
If they are not this way, perhaps they should not have been pastors. 
But in the world of men, There are not any paying postions for a lot 
of the other ministries (which is sad). They are forced to ask for money
continually, because nobody offers them a home, or a paycheck. 
Those people have dreams too (you see) And it’s a heart to reach the
lost, the hurting, the broken, and the dying. They can’t get there without
someone’s help. I just put one of my dreams on the Altar, because unless
God sends a way to provide for it, I just can’t do it anymore. 
It’s called “Authoring books” to reach the hurting. I can’t afford what it costs anymore, so I have to stop. My paychecks are like .01 (last quarter) for this endeavor. I’ve been doing it for 7 years now, and it pays nothing. And it’s okay but it still hurts to have dreams come to an end. I have to stop now. Until God provides for it. If he doesn’t, oh well! I will still love him just the same. 
And no I don’t want sympathy- but I have some grief right now. God will 
surely bring me out of it too. He always does! He is faithful! I have faced many disappointments in my life. And I will live through this one, too. 
As a minister and a child of God I find that “letting go” is one of the most 
painful things I have ever experienced. Letting go of what you know is bad
is hard, but letting go of something you thought was good is even harder. 
I am reminded of the following scripture in regardes to self-preservation. 
When you are done grieving, consider putting it all in God’s hands. 
We really are better off to put our lives in the Lord’s hands and say “Thy will 
be done, thy kingdom come, on earth, as it is in heaven.” Amen. 
Today is November 1. Happy Author’s day. I just layed my 7 year Journey 
of writing books at the Lord’s feet. 
Matthew 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it.  Peace out (for now) Laura Grace 
divorced · divorced christians · pain is pain · trauma · Uncategorized

The Horror of Divorce …….it’s like being an amputee……no matter who left. Growing in Grace #2 PAIN IS PAIN!


Maybe Some people just “trot” down to divorce court, like they are exchanging a defective item, or returning shoes that were too small. I kind of doubt it but, perhaps there are persons like this. 

I’ve had people say “oh leave the past in the past” (forget about it now!). It’s been 15 years since I got divorced. Yes I am over it. I have regrets about the book I wrote “Grace to the Rescue” (available on Amazon). First I don’t like the publisher I used, Second, I was so focused on staying positive, giving due thanks and praises to God for getting me through it, I failed to really get across the nightmarish, agonizing pain of it all. 

If you Love someone, and they betray you, lie to you constantly, fail to keep their vows, thwart you at every turn when you are trying to train your kids to behave (as they are focused on being dysfunctional donkeys!) and when they love you one minute, and call you terrible names the next, lie about you, make you move 22 times because they won’t keep a job, cheat (and the list goes on), it rips you apart. If you are able to love yourself enough to get out of there, people rip you apart.

Your heart is torn apart from what truly is like, an amputation. Remember the passage? “If your arm causes you to sin cut it off?” I am NOT here to get you to feel sorry for me. 

I just know there are people out there some I know, some I love dearly…….

And every time I hear of them getting the disapproving looks, and the judgmental glances, because they say they got divorced, I cringe. My heart hurts for them. 

Why? Because I know, I have lived it. I know the pain of having to admit defeat, when you have tried everything you knew to do and still…… can’t make it work. I know the rending and tearing that happens, when two souls get ripped apart, all because one wants God’s ways, and the other wants the ways of the evil one. 

This is part of my mission: “stick up” for those who are oppressed, cast down, and don’t know what to do anymore. Those who would rather die, then face the ordeal of leaving, only to learn those who loved them now disapprove, and will give those disapproving glances. Pain is Pain. I will never understand praying for someone in the hospital, getting their leg cut off, and refusing to pray for a person who is forced to go through divorce, in order to live. Why is it so different oh religious ones? 

I will never understand. With love and blessings despite the pain ….

Laura Grace Author, Grace to the Rescue. Available on Amazon