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Grief and Pain (no, you are not stupid).

tears and sorrow

Having Grief and Pain (You’re not stupid!) 
One thing I’ve not been known to ever do, is to call people’s 
feelings stupid (or dumb, or even wrong). I’ve learned some 
times the hard way our feelings should not dominate us, but 
at the same time, I know we have them. Grief comes in many 
forms, and sometimes people who can’t cry get very angry 
instead. Maybe they won’t cry because someone said it’s 
stupid, or maybe because it embarrasses them. 
You won’t catch me telling you there are right or wrong things 
to grieve about either. These ideas such as “There are starving
children somewhere” so be grateful for your plate of liver” or 
platitudes such as: “Well at least you are alive, or if one of your
children died, you still have the other” do not really help people 
feel better. Do they? Not very often. I would say mostly, not. 
People hire therapists in part, because they fear telling friends, 
family, and yes even pastors at times, their deepest thoughts 
and fears. They have grief and want to get over it. Sometimes 
the grief “seems to be” over something stupid. The fear that 
someone will call them stupid, makes them want to hide. 
“I AM SO STUPID!” (I have said that myself) When I am very 
frustrated for giving that person another chance (and they did 
that to me again!) Or I dared to dream, and now I’m disappointed
(again for the 14th time, or even the 100th time). 
I should never say that but, I have. Why? Why do we chastize our
selves like that? 
#1 We see others getting over it, so we think we are failures
#2 We think our grief is “stupid” to begin with. (not important). 
#3 We don’t understand where this grief is coming from or even how to stop it. 
Therapy sometimes goes too far in perpetuating our grief, (getting 
us to feel sorry for ourselves, which can lead to depression) 
God tells us to “be of good cheer” but sometimes, we can’t. We 
are sad. We need to cry. It’s called grieving. 
King David danced, but he also wept about sin and disappointment. 
Jeremiah wept over the sins of God’s people. 
Jonah got depressed because God did not destroy Ninevah after he 
delivered a word that it would be destroyed. Job got depressed too. 
I believe part of soul-healing is talking about it. Whether you talk to 
God about it, or someone else. Ministers like TD Jakes talk about their
soul being torn, ripped apart, dreams going out the window, and feeling
like God didn’t care (for awhile) about their pain. This is why people love
to read their stories. They can relate. 
We need teachers and we need prophets, but we need pastors too. 
Pastors tend to be nurturing people. They love and tend to the sheep. 
If they are not this way, perhaps they should not have been pastors. 
But in the world of men, There are not any paying postions for a lot 
of the other ministries (which is sad). They are forced to ask for money
continually, because nobody offers them a home, or a paycheck. 
Those people have dreams too (you see) And it’s a heart to reach the
lost, the hurting, the broken, and the dying. They can’t get there without
someone’s help. I just put one of my dreams on the Altar, because unless
God sends a way to provide for it, I just can’t do it anymore. 
It’s called “Authoring books” to reach the hurting. I can’t afford what it costs anymore, so I have to stop. My paychecks are like .01 (last quarter) for this endeavor. I’ve been doing it for 7 years now, and it pays nothing. And it’s okay but it still hurts to have dreams come to an end. I have to stop now. Until God provides for it. If he doesn’t, oh well! I will still love him just the same. 
And no I don’t want sympathy- but I have some grief right now. God will 
surely bring me out of it too. He always does! He is faithful! I have faced many disappointments in my life. And I will live through this one, too. 
As a minister and a child of God I find that “letting go” is one of the most 
painful things I have ever experienced. Letting go of what you know is bad
is hard, but letting go of something you thought was good is even harder. 
I am reminded of the following scripture in regardes to self-preservation. 
When you are done grieving, consider putting it all in God’s hands. 
We really are better off to put our lives in the Lord’s hands and say “Thy will 
be done, thy kingdom come, on earth, as it is in heaven.” Amen. 
Today is November 1. Happy Author’s day. I just layed my 7 year Journey 
of writing books at the Lord’s feet. 
Matthew 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it.  Peace out (for now) Laura Grace 
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“Big Boy’s Don’t Cry” and other injustices we put on men…….(this is important)

This is something that I’ve seen for a long time, and it’s bothered me for a long time, as well. For years I have sought God on the subject of why people do things. I see there is a root cause for things (that happen) And that every action or belief system, whether it’s in our hearts or minds, it all begins with a seed. 

First of all, while men and women may be different (in most cases) the soul is the same. Hearts break, hurts are inflicted, and men are not born with some special immunity to pain. We must know this right? We have to know it! So why the persistence on teaching men they shouldn’t or don’t cry? Why the man up “buck up to the suds” thing that is put on MEN all the time (as if they were born with hearts that can’t be broken?) 

It’s the same reason women get abused or hurt or neglected…..ignorance! Now there is a big difference between Ignorance- and malice. If someone is not informed about something, we can educate them! But here’s the rub. The church goes to the world for answers (in the case of psychology) In most cases. Why? Because there is not a lot out there on the subject of healing the mind (or heart) for our men. And I will tell you something else……..We are TOO busy taking care of the church building and not busy enough taking care of the minds and hearts of the true temples …….WHICH IS US! 

I looked up scripture with one word: Wept. I was amazed how many came up (see below) and I also know Jesus wept. 

I believe when men refuse to cry or are stopped from the grieving process (because of this man up, buck up to the suds thing) They wind up with other issues. Unresolved hurt leads to anger. Have you ever noticed 9 times out of 10 in a hurtful situation men get angry, while women cry? How is anger better than crying? (I ask!) and then we praise them for getting angry (and telling people off) And this leads to self righteous attitudes and pride.

“I’m proud of you honey” for telling off that Person who hurt me (she says or they say) and so now, not only is the man not healed (in his soul) but we have more hurt people- who have been bitten by the dog that was sent to chase them off!  Men? Come on you know better! You KNOW in your heart it’s okay with God if you cry. But society? They tell another story. Instead of listening to me, take a few min and read the scripture below. You will see men who wept. Jesus wept. And not always because someone died. 

Someone dying WHILE THEY LIVE is a reason to weep. Sin is something to weep over as it says in Lamentations “Oh that my eyes were a river of tears…..” (because of the suffering of my people). Weeping is good.

It’s a type of prayer when it’s directed toward God. He “hears our tears” ……so to speak. 

I Hope this helps you somehow. “Big Boys’ Don’t Cry?” It’s a LIE! satan knows mean with open hearts toward God that are capable of tears are powerful in his hands! No wonder he sent such a tremendous lie for the whole world to repeat and believe. -Laura Grace 

Scripture:

 

 

Genesis 33:4

But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.

Genesis 43:30

Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep. And he went into his chamber and wept there.

Genesis 45:14

Then he fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck.

Genesis 45:15

Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.

Genesis 46:29

So Joseph made ready his chariot and went up to Goshen to meet his father Israel; and he presented himself to him, and fell on his neck and wept on his neck a good while.

Genesis 50:1

Then Joseph fell on his father’s face, and wept over him, and kissed him.

Genesis 50:17

‘Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.”’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him.

Numbers 14:1

Israel Refuses to Enter Canaan ] So all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night.

Judges 2:4

So it was, when the Angel of the Lord spoke these words to all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voices and wept.

.

Judges 20:23

Then the children of Israel went up and wept before the Lord until evening, and asked counsel of the Lord, saying, “Shall I again draw near for battle against the children of my brother Benjamin?” And the Lord said, “Go up against him.”

 

 

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Are you the Storm? Causing some structural damage? A word on this….

LIGHTHOUSE AND STORM.jpg Storms. We Just had one last night. 

Thankfully there was no damage, but I was thinking this morning about the damage that gets done sometimes by emotional storms. 

The weather report said, “This storm has been known to rip down trees, damage siding, and cause structural damage.” Wouldn’t it be great if we understood the damage we can cause just because we had to have this “fit of rage” that seemed important at the time? 

I remember well this time I was so emotionally distraught and upset over my ex, who had lied to me, lied again and lied again. This was after promises not to do that ever again and great expressions of how much he loved me.

Anyway, I had a fit of rage, threw a coffee cup at the wall, and scared my daughter half to death. She was crying and her whole world was being shaken and ripped apart, just because I let my emotions and temper get out of hand. 

I”m not proud of that moment, or a few others I’ve had. I do remember that day, I decided I was going to work on myself, and stop obsessing about changing someone else’s behavior. I realized right then, “dear God, this child is looking at me for guidance, and look what I have done!” I was convicted! Be a better example, and practice what you say,” is what I heard from deep within myself. I think it was God as he has all the good ideas, I usually don’t have any, all by myself. 

That was a lot of years ago. Sometimes if I am not careful, and get to looking at what others are doing rather than going to the mirror every day to look at myself (with God’s great assistance) I am still prone to getting all upset at others………

Someone is always watching. OH FATHER we pray: “Let our actions speak good things! Let our actions speak well of us and Glorify you Father! Keep us close to your heart! Remind us daily not to allow pockets of anger to get out of control to the point where we hurt a person with our wicked tongue! deliver us from THIS evil …

the evil of just saying whatever pops in to our pea brains! IN Jesus’ name! Amen”

Storms. They can do a lot of damage. Amen? “Father where we’ve done that forgive us, and help us to be bringers of peace (and light) and not a storm, causing damage and harm to others, and what they are trying to build. Amen”   

Colossians 3:8
But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.