Having Grief and Pain (You’re not stupid!)
One thing I’ve not been known to ever do, is to call people’s
feelings stupid (or dumb, or even wrong). I’ve learned some
times the hard way our feelings should not dominate us, but
at the same time, I know we have them. Grief comes in many
forms, and sometimes people who can’t cry get very angry
instead. Maybe they won’t cry because someone said it’s
stupid, or maybe because it embarrasses them.
You won’t catch me telling you there are right or wrong things
to grieve about either. These ideas such as “There are starving
children somewhere” so be grateful for your plate of liver” or
platitudes such as: “Well at least you are alive, or if one of your
children died, you still have the other” do not really help people
feel better. Do they? Not very often. I would say mostly, not.
People hire therapists in part, because they fear telling friends,
family, and yes even pastors at times, their deepest thoughts
and fears. They have grief and want to get over it. Sometimes
the grief “seems to be” over something stupid. The fear that
someone will call them stupid, makes them want to hide.
“I AM SO STUPID!” (I have said that myself) When I am very
frustrated for giving that person another chance (and they did
that to me again!) Or I dared to dream, and now I’m disappointed
(again for the 14th time, or even the 100th time).
I should never say that but, I have. Why? Why do we chastize our
selves like that?
#1 We see others getting over it, so we think we are failures
#2 We think our grief is “stupid” to begin with. (not important).
#3 We don’t understand where this grief is coming from or even how to stop it.
Therapy sometimes goes too far in perpetuating our grief, (getting
us to feel sorry for ourselves, which can lead to depression)
God tells us to “be of good cheer” but sometimes, we can’t. We
are sad. We need to cry. It’s called grieving.
King David danced, but he also wept about sin and disappointment.
Jeremiah wept over the sins of God’s people.
Jonah got depressed because God did not destroy Ninevah after he
delivered a word that it would be destroyed. Job got depressed too.
I believe part of soul-healing is talking about it. Whether you talk to
God about it, or someone else. Ministers like TD Jakes talk about their
soul being torn, ripped apart, dreams going out the window, and feeling
like God didn’t care (for awhile) about their pain. This is why people love
to read their stories. They can relate.
We need teachers and we need prophets, but we need pastors too.
Pastors tend to be nurturing people. They love and tend to the sheep.
If they are not this way, perhaps they should not have been pastors.
But in the world of men, There are not any paying postions for a lot
of the other ministries (which is sad). They are forced to ask for money
continually, because nobody offers them a home, or a paycheck.
Those people have dreams too (you see) And it’s a heart to reach the
lost, the hurting, the broken, and the dying. They can’t get there without
someone’s help. I just put one of my dreams on the Altar, because unless
God sends a way to provide for it, I just can’t do it anymore.
It’s called “Authoring books” to reach the hurting. I can’t afford what it costs anymore, so I have to stop. My paychecks are like .01 (last quarter) for this endeavor. I’ve been doing it for 7 years now, and it pays nothing. And it’s okay but it still hurts to have dreams come to an end. I have to stop now. Until God provides for it. If he doesn’t, oh well! I will still love him just the same.
And no I don’t want sympathy- but I have some grief right now. God will
surely bring me out of it too. He always does! He is faithful! I have faced many disappointments in my life. And I will live through this one, too.
As a minister and a child of God I find that “letting go” is one of the most
painful things I have ever experienced. Letting go of what you know is bad
is hard, but letting go of something you thought was good is even harder.
I am reminded of the following scripture in regardes to self-preservation.
When you are done grieving, consider putting it all in God’s hands.
We really are better off to put our lives in the Lord’s hands and say “Thy will
be done, thy kingdom come, on earth, as it is in heaven.” Amen.
Today is November 1. Happy Author’s day. I just layed my 7 year Journey
of writing books at the Lord’s feet.
Matthew 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it. Peace out (for now) Laura Grace