Who I DON”T want to be (and how I found out). by Laura Grace
I’m going to write this before I change my mind! I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to share about relationships a number of times….and I knew it would mean confessing mistakes I have made……….
So Years ago my husband tells me “his ex” used to buy a lot of food and not use it. I heard that, made a note of it, and make every attempt Not to be that way. Years go by, one day he notices I threw something out without using it and makes a comment “Did that go bad already, we didn’t even use it?” ….
Instantly (because I’m tired and had a hard day) I assume he is saying I’m like his ex. “That fast!” Hair trigger moment. “I’ve been busy!!” I snap- (and start listing what I had to do all day BECAUSE I assume he needs to know (because he doesn’t keep track of all my jobs, only what food is being tossed out!) “Okay Okay” He said it was just an observation I wasn’t attacking you!” (and looks all disgusted like I am a hila monster on fire!) I react to THAT next it goes into my mind “Gee wiz can’t I have a bad day?”
Now I’m bent! (and don’t even know why!) And see, all this happened so fast it’s like- “100 miles an hour” and the next thing you know, two people that were supposed to be relaxing in the harbor of their home are thinking “good grief, what’s wrong with YOU?” “NO, what’s wrong with you?” …….
Now, it’s been worse (in times past). I thought he should water flowers at this one place we lived (as I was tired, had done it all the time, and they needed watering. He decided to make “gardeners’ last stand” and say he didn’t want flowers in the first place! I was all indignant, he got a list of all the stuff I didn’t want to do that I did…….and that’s why he should do it when I ask with no back talk! (Yeah I know, WOW) …but the thing is….
You can be a praying person, full of the spirit. LOVE GOD and love others- and STILL wind up like this! One is from being too tired, or not taking the time to just count to 10, think about what you are going to say next…….in this case, he has the right to say “I am not into flowers” and I have the right to say “I am not” Into whatever it is he wants me to do (change the oil maybe?) 😄
But the other thing we have to watch out for is this: “assumptions’ like how I assumed he was comparing me to his ex? (Lickety split, it just happened) If we say well “sorry” and don’t pray on our ways….. we keep messing up (over and over again) Destroying the relationship we so cherished. If we say “Okay God, I need help with this JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS Problem” then …….
The bible says “confess your faults’ and pray (for one another) AND you’ll be healed! It doesn’t say “point out their faults and assume it’s all them because hey YOU are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus!”
(and you can never be wrong? oh oh! )………
I know this is a long post. Maybe YOU are never like this but, we all have our flaws.🙂 (weak areas?) …..and it’s the little things sometimes. I hope my confession (one of many days I was OFF In my thinking for one reason or another) Will help you Remember to ASK “What did you mean by that?” When dealing with someone stop! ASK “What are you saying, can you clarify?” ….
Pretend you HAVE To be professional! It’s too easy to take someone we love for granted, & think things like “You should know me by now” (another assumption)
Helps you see yes ….we are all human! But let’s try to do better! And here’s the thing DO things in such a way you actually like yourself! There’s a story Jesus told, the master took a long time returning and this person began to “beat the servants” 😯and how much trouble he got in when the master came home! Let’s not be doing things wrong just because we think nobody sees us….
God sees everything! He is your Father! and he’s watching you! every day! Well I hope this helped someone ..
WIth Love And a prayer: “Father anyone out there who is just struggling with feeling things are unfair, hopeless, impossible! I Pray that You would help that person start with themselves! And learn to learn of you Father! NO matter what! In Jesus’ name help us all remember two wrongs do not make things right. Help us not to give up on our own integrity just becuase we’re having a bad day. Helpl us Father to love ourselves enough to get some rest or take a time out …….In Jesus’ name we pray. amen
Relationships #1 Judging (and snap judgments).
Nothing is scarier than a person armed with Knowledge, (bold as brass), yet not having an entire handle (or view) of the truth. The truth actually contains “the whole picture” not just your view of it.
If we see a house next door to us, we cannot see the roof, the basement, or the interior of the house. We can only see our viewpont, unless we investigate and get a closer view. Right?
Yet at times, we all make “snap” judgments, better known as jumping to conclusions! And why did I say nothing is scarier than these types?
Because: People with real problems are vulnerable (more than any others) to this “mis-applied’ Information, and you can really “Mess them up.”
I met a gal a few years ago, who had such problems in her marraige it was staggering.
After hearing her story, I jumped to the conclusion (based on my knowledge) she needed to get out of there and start over. THANK (YOU) God for a background in learning that prayer (and asking the Holy Spirit how to pray) was important (to God). if not for those Spiritual Teachings. I have no idea how much damage I might have done with my “I know the answer” type advice.
I did pray before I spoke, but I really didn’t take much time to really seek God about her situation, before opening my mouth! I was so gung ho about seeing women not abused, I failed to see God wanted to heal this relationship.
And so I learned. The hard way.
We can know things that are true, yet mis-apply that truth. That’s what the Pharisees did on more than one occasion, with Jesus. They knew the Sabbath was holy, but they mis-applied that truth and attacked him about his disciples picking some wheat, or his healing of someone on the Sabbath Day. They crossed from knowledge to Judging, and I suspect pride had come in- over their “great knowledge” about God’s Word.
When people say “God is Judging” (Over all this sin) i want to remind you of this passage: Matthew 7:2 “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” (KJV).
When God Does Judge, by his own standard- it’s to those who are measuring out Judgment toward others. This is the only type of judgment we need to be concerned with, as it’s not up to use WHO receives mercy or who doesn’t! That is between them (and God)- not between them and us.
When we are too concerned with Justice, or even protecting ourselves and others, we can find ourselves in the very deep water of mis-applying the truth, and making snap-judgements all too quickly. No wonder Jesus said “take my yoke, learn of me”
Let’s keep learning! (and deal withourselves first!) It is wise to do so. The best relationships start with YOU! And as we learn of Jesus, (relationship #1) all the others will get better. -Laura Grace, author, Grace to Grow
Relationships! Introduction: By Laura Grace Should I give up, shut up, put up my dukes?
Relationships are one of the hardest things we will ever contend with in this life. Frankly Not a subject I have wanted to contend with OR address. Even in my book Grace to Grow, I talked about it being hard. but I didn’t say a whole lot about it. That’s because it’s not cut and dry. Every relationship is different. There are variations (Within) and while we all know there are basic principles in the word of God how do we know Which Principle to apply?
I’m going to address hard truths, talk about real situations, and share with you what God
has taught me thus far about relationships……..
What about giving up? Did I fail that person? How do I know? How do I get closure when they won’t talk to me anymore?
How do I love them- yet avoid the drama? AS we begin……Let’s Ponder Matthew in chapter 5 where Jesus said “Blessed are the peacemakers” …….(Matthew 5:9) and
explore how we make peace (in various ways) as we are BECOMING children of God.
Yes, I said becoming. (You’re being formed and shaped here, into his image!) Amen
“Father please, be with me as I do this series and I know you will be. Allow me to share from your heart to theirs “what works” and what does not work! For you already know! and you know all the persons out there who wonder about how you said make peace but yet you said at times there will be no peace in certain relationships…..
Give us understanding we pray (Father) In Jesus’ name. and we thank you for it too.
I ask you Father help us to undertand your word better, and how to apply it in everyday life! IN Jesus’ name! -amen
It happens. If I were to tell you every story I have personally seen or heard where people fake being a christian, take advantage of the church (time and time again) with no remorse or repentance (or willingness to change) You’d be appalled.
I have been faced with a plethora of reactions when I say “Hey “There are con Artists” Watch out! Some say well You have to love ALL the time turn the other cheek……
“Well that’s not our business,” They say, “We just have to love, and be kind like Jesus said or did.” Really? He let the people sitting at his feet listening to him go hungry for three days (was it a fast?) He told a woman asking for healing for her daughter the children’s bread was not for dogs! There is no record of Jesus gathering his disciples together and saying “Come on boys, we’re going to hand out free meals today to everyone in the leper colony!”
I had a woman tell me (recently) that she tried to help someone (got burned) and after she’d helped this person ranted at her (she didn’t help enough apparently) and I have also experienced this myself.
When I was a property manager, I remember a couple who got the church to pay their deposit and rent, and moved in. They didn’t have a very good back ground check but hey, the church was helping, so we overlooked it in the interest of good will and charity. After all isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Love our neighbors? Jesus indicated brethren first and be wise (as serpents) but somehow that goes unheard by many as our examples of great humanitarians loom before us as “the great example” of how we should be.
This couple moved in, wrecked the place, made a mess that would make your hair curl, soiled carpet, ruined floors, stains, grease debris that cost the owner literally thousands to repair. They moved out owing two months rent, as it was never paid, and their promise to pay was not kept.
I’ve met people who say “Just go to the church for help,” there is a network of people who do this, and go from town to town, place to place, leaving damage, debris and sorrow in their wake. The people who get burned often feel God let them down somehow, or they just decide never to help anyone again and develop a ‘no trust” standard.
This is so sad (to me). Do we really need these extremes? Help everyone or help no one?
I know it’s hard to decide if someone is “worthy of help.” After all we do have the example of Jesus saying “Judge not” and there is this nugget:
“To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. ” Luke 6:29
But see you have to LOOK hard at the whole picture here. Verse And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. Verse 31 of this same passage says:
“And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.”
Do you want God to just let you be a con artist? Hurting everyone as you go? Leaving a trail of destruction in your wake? Certainly the disciples were not like this. I want God’s correction don’t you? SO see the whole counsel of God is not to just let someone rape you financially and take all your goods over and over again. And sit and cry and say “God did this to me.” I was Just obeying his word!
I don’t have time to tell you all the passages about being wise (in proverbs) It saddens me that people who don’t study the bible allow leaders (who are setting some bad examples by the way) direct their paths, (instead of learning from the Holy spirit for themselves).
I too followed their examples at one time. I gave and gave and thought “Well God would reward me” and grieved the heart of God in the process. He wept for me. Every time he tried to bless me, I thought I had to give it all away. I allowed con artists to (literally) steal from me, thinking it was God’s will. If you are a person LIKE the disciples Jesus was talking to YOU WANT Corrected. Right? (if you are being a con artist?)
Don’t be afraid to call a spade a spade Or get discernment! You won’t be less in the Kingdom of God you’ll be MORE. More able to help those God wants to help…..
Less foolish and less fooled..Not deceived! Til next time; -Laura Grace
If you jump to conclusions, leap before you look or listen (in speaking to someone) or make someone feel more scared than they already were before they spoke to you, chances are they won’t confide in you again. Being trusted with the confidences and problems of others is a Holy keep.
Don’t scold a wounded heart. A wise person is prayerful about how they approach a situation. How do I know this? I’ve messed up. I’ve had people mess me up too.
“Please Father make us trustworthy. In Jesus’ name.
Help us know when to speak, when to be silent, and what to say.” Amen
This is something that I’ve seen for a long time, and it’s bothered me for a long time, as well. For years I have sought God on the subject of why people do things. I see there is a root cause for things (that happen) And that every action or belief system, whether it’s in our hearts or minds, it all begins with a seed.
First of all, while men and women may be different (in most cases) the soul is the same. Hearts break, hurts are inflicted, and men are not born with some special immunity to pain. We must know this right? We have to know it! So why the persistence on teaching men they shouldn’t or don’t cry? Why the man up “buck up to the suds” thing that is put on MEN all the time (as if they were born with hearts that can’t be broken?)
It’s the same reason women get abused or hurt or neglected…..ignorance! Now there is a big difference between Ignorance- and malice. If someone is not informed about something, we can educate them! But here’s the rub. The church goes to the world for answers (in the case of psychology) In most cases. Why? Because there is not a lot out there on the subject of healing the mind (or heart) for our men. And I will tell you something else……..We are TOO busy taking care of the church building and not busy enough taking care of the minds and hearts of the true temples …….WHICH IS US!
I looked up scripture with one word: Wept. I was amazed how many came up (see below) and I also know Jesus wept.
I believe when men refuse to cry or are stopped from the grieving process (because of this man up, buck up to the suds thing) They wind up with other issues. Unresolved hurt leads to anger. Have you ever noticed 9 times out of 10 in a hurtful situation men get angry, while women cry? How is anger better than crying? (I ask!) and then we praise them for getting angry (and telling people off) And this leads to self righteous attitudes and pride.
“I’m proud of you honey” for telling off that Person who hurt me (she says or they say) and so now, not only is the man not healed (in his soul) but we have more hurt people- who have been bitten by the dog that was sent to chase them off! Men? Come on you know better! You KNOW in your heart it’s okay with God if you cry. But society? They tell another story. Instead of listening to me, take a few min and read the scripture below. You will see men who wept. Jesus wept. And not always because someone died.
Someone dying WHILE THEY LIVE is a reason to weep. Sin is something to weep over as it says in Lamentations “Oh that my eyes were a river of tears…..” (because of the suffering of my people). Weeping is good.
It’s a type of prayer when it’s directed toward God. He “hears our tears” ……so to speak.
I Hope this helps you somehow. “Big Boys’ Don’t Cry?” It’s a LIE! satan knows mean with open hearts toward God that are capable of tears are powerful in his hands! No wonder he sent such a tremendous lie for the whole world to repeat and believe. -Laura Grace
But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.
Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep. And he went into his chamber and wept there.
Then he fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck.
Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.
So Joseph made ready his chariot and went up to Goshen to meet his father Israel; and he presented himself to him, and fell on his neck and wept on his neck a good while.
Then Joseph fell on his father’s face, and wept over him, and kissed him.
‘Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.”’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
[ Israel Refuses to Enter Canaan ] So all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night.
So it was, when the Angel of the Lord spoke these words to all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voices and wept.
Then the children of Israel went up and wept before the Lord until evening, and asked counsel of the Lord, saying, “Shall I again draw near for battle against the children of my brother Benjamin?” And the Lord said, “Go up against him.”